Fire and Ice
by HollyJane
Summary: Eclipse, Chp 22 'Fire and Ice', Edwards POV.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, thank you. :)

By Holly Jane

**Fire and Ice**

Edward's POV

The wind shook the tent and Bella visibly shook in harmony with it. I felt so vulnerable. There was nothing I could do to help Bella, and that was the only thing I wanted to do. I've asked her many times just to make a run for it but she's stubborn and refuses it.

"W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it?" Bella asked, her voice strained.

"Two," I replied solemnly.

She was already shaking in the freezing cold, I didn't know how much longer she could stand it. I was sitting in the far corner of the tent, and as much as I hated the distance, it was a must. I probably wouldn't even be able to touch Bella without her freezing to death. Her hair was frozen and she shivered every few seconds and I could feel her body heat lessening and her heart spluttering frantically and skipping itself every so often.

"Maybe…" I offered slowly.

"No, I'm f-f-f-f-f-fine, r-r-r-really. I don't w-w-w-want to g-go outside." She said.

I sighed quietly. She was being so stubborn. Though I could see her point just a little. It would be hard for me to run at my speed without her freezing over completely in the rush of cold wind and how cold she already was. She had argued that it would put all of yesterday afternoons work to waste and I really did not care that much. All I cared about was that Bella was warm and safe and content. She was hardly that right now.

"What can I do?" I asked, my tone as vulnerable as I was feeling.

She shook her head. It was driving me crazy.

The dog howled, sounding just as vulnerable as I was. _I hope to God she doesn't freaking freeze to death, _he thought miserably.

"G-g-g-get out of h-h-h-ere," Bella demanded coldly.

Part of me was satisfied she didn't want the dog around but it quickly dissolved into aggravation.

"He's just worried about you," I told her. "He's fine. _His _body is equipped to handle this."

"H-h-h-h-h-h." Was all she could manage with what she wanted to say.

The dog whimpered annoyingly high, so much that it hurt my sensitive ears. "What do you want me to do?" I demanded angrily. He was getting on my last nerve with all of his complaints. Its not like I could do anything. The one thing I wanted to do that would help Bella stubbornly refused. "Carry her through _that_? I don't see you making yourself useful. Why don't you go fetch a space heater or something?"

"I'm ok-k-k-k-k-k-_kay_," she tried to convince us. I groaned in aggravation and the dog growled followed by the wind rocking the tent again. Bella shivered along with it.

The dog howled in a high-pitch, ear-splitting way. I scowled in his general direction outside the tent. His damn howls and growls are not helping a single thing, just bouncing on my nerves. _Maybe I could warm her up, _he offered.

"That was hardly necessary," I muttered. "And that's the worst idea I've ever heard," I yelled out over the wind.

I heard him walking closer, just two feet. He must have phased. My anger sparked as he talked in his human voice. "Better than anything you've come up with," he said. "_Go fetch a space heater_," he complained. "I'm not a St. Bernard." Ha. Not far from it, dog.

The zipper went down with a ripping noise and overly sized human dog stepped in, a look of pure joy in his eyes. I noticed Bella shiver profusely out of the corner of my eye.

"I don't like this," I hissed at the dog as he zipped up the tent. "Just give her the coat and get out."

"W-w-w-w-w-w," Bella stuttered again.

"The parka's for tomorrow—she's too cold to warm it up by herself. It's frozen." He dropped it in front of the tents opening. "You said she needed a space heater, and here I am." He held his arms out widely.

"J-J-J-J-Jake, you'll f-f-f-freez-z-z-ze," Bella said disapprovingly.

"Not me," he said happily. "I run at a toasty one-oh-eight point nine these days. I'll have you sweating in no time." I growled at the thought, but the dog didn't spare a look in my direction as he started to crawl towards Bella. He unzipped the sleeping bag but I held my hand out on his shoulder, restraining. He recoiled from the cold and his muscles flexed angrily as he breathed deeply and his heart rate accelerated.

"Get your hand off of me," he said in a strained tone, clenching his teeth.

"Keep your hands off of her," I threatened darkly.

"D-d-d-don't f-f-f-f-fight," Bella begged as she shivered violently again.

"I'm sure she'll thank you for this when her toes turn black and drop off," the dog snapped.

The thought made me flinch in hesitance before I slowly removed my hand and slid back into the corner of the tent in defeat. "Watch yourself." I snapped. I could hear the disgusting thoughts that were dominating his pubertal teenage mind.

He just chuckled at me.

"Scoot over, Bella," he said, unzipping the sleeping back further.

Bella starred at him in horror. "N-n-n-n-n," she stuttered. It sort of pleased me that she objected to this, but then again the thought that she was only trying to make me happy nagged at the back of my mind. What if she wanted him to? I sighed quietly at the thought.

"Don't be stupid," the dog demanded. "Don't you _like _having ten toes?" he threatened bleakly.

Before Bella could get a word in, he shoved himself into the tiny sleeping bag, pulling the resistant zipper up behind him. I bit my lip in worry at him being so close to Bella, his arms encircling her the way I usually did. It hurt to watch and I wished so badly that I could be the one warming her like that.

"Jeez, you're freezing, Bella," he whined.

"S-s-s-s-sorry," she stuttered in response.

"Try to relax," he offered lightly. If only Bella knew the double meaning to his words. I felt a growl build up in my chest slowly. "You'll be warm in a minute. Of course, you'll warm up faster if you take your clothes off."

The growl exploded cuttingly from my chest in anger.

"That's just a simple fact," he defended lightly. "Survival one-oh-one."

"C-c-cut it out, Jake. N-n-n-nobody really n-n-n-n-needs all ten t-t-t-toes."

"Don't worry about the bloodsucker," the dog said. Hatred bloomed in my chest at that word. "He's just jealous."

"Of course I am." I said, managing to calm myself, returning to my gentlemanly voice as best as I could manage. "You don't have the faintest idea how much I wish I could do what you're doing for her, mongrel."

"Those are the breaks," the dog interrupted calmly. His tone took on a bitter edge at the end. "At least you know she wishes it was you." Does she?

"True," I agreed lightly.

"There," the dog said, directing his voice towards Bella. "Feeling better?"

"Yes." She answered calmly, annoyed.

"Your lips are still blue," he said in a bemused tone. "Want me to warm those up for you, too? You only have to ask."

I sighed deeply.

"Behave yourself," Bella muttered quietly, turning her face into his shoulder. He flinched at her touch and I smiled in satisfaction. Serves him right. Bella kicked her boots off from under the sleeping bag and pressed them against the dog again. I pursed my lips in longing, wishing that was me so badly. He jumped at the cold fractionally before laying his cheek against her ear. I shut my eyes tightly.

_Hmmm, that's right honey. Go to sleep… _he carried on with fantasies that made me sick.

"Jake?" Bella mumbled quietly.

I opened my eyes curiously. "Can I ask you something? I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything, I'm honestly curious."

"Sure," the dog laughed.

"Why are you so much furrier than your friends? You don't have to answer if I'm being rude." She said, rather embarrassed.

"Because my hair is longer," he said, seeming quite amused at her question. He shook his head of hair on her cheek lightly, laughing quietly.

"Oh." She said, dumbfounded. "Then why don't you cut it? Do you like to be shaggy?"

_Crap. Doesn't she like my long hair? I thought since the last time I saw her… _I laughed at him under my breath. So much like a teenage boy to change himself to be liked.

"Sorry," Bella said, yawning quietly. "I didn't mean to pry. You don't have to tell me." She amended.

The dog made a noise in the back of his throat. "Oh, he'll tell you anyway, so I might as well…. I was growing my hair out because…. it seemed like you liked it better long."

"Oh." She said awkwardly, embarrassed. "I, er, like it both ways, Jake. You don't need to be… inconvenienced."

The dog shrugged. "Turns out it was very convenient tonight, so don't worry about it."

A long while passed in silence and I wondered if Bella had gone to sleep. "That's right, honey, go to sleep," he said, repeating his thoughts from earlier. She sighed quietly, happily. I felt my muscles tighten at the content in her sigh.

I heard quiet paws outside the tent, somewhat far off in the distance, followed by distant howls. "Seth is here," I muttered quietly to the dog.

"Perfect. Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you." _Fiancée_, I corrected mentally. _Why is he even here anyway? Shouldn't he be down there, preparing to fight? _He thought briefly.

Bella groaned quietly. "Stop it," she protested sleepily.

It was quiet besides the pubertal thoughts of the dog in which I very nearly had to cover my ears and start screaming to cover up, and the wind that howled against the tent, causing it to rock and sway. I bit my lip nervously in restraint to keep from shouting at him when he thought of _my Bella _in a—oh, that's it!

"_Please!_" I hissed angrily. "Do you _mind_!"

"What?" he whispered back, startled.

"Do you think you could _attempt _to control your thoughts?" I whispered in fury.

"No one said you had to listen," the dog muttered, embarrassed. "Get out of my head."

"I wish I _could_. You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. It's like you're shouting them at me." I muttered.

"I'll try to keep it down," he whispered sarcastically at me.

I scowled in anger. _Are you jealous that my fantasies could come true, jealous of the fact that you can never do the things with Bella that I could? Well, not without hurting her._

"Yes," I murmured quietly. I hated to admit that it hurt, pained me so. "I'm jealous of that, too."

"I figured it was like that," he whispered smugly. "Sort of evens the playing field up a little, doesn't it?"

I laughed darkly, somewhat amused. "In your dreams."

"You know, she could still change her mind," he teased. I fumed silently. "Considering _all _the things I could do with her that you can't. At least, not without killing her, that is."

"Go to sleep, Jacob," I said, scowling as I had to use his name. "You're starting to get on my nerves."

"I think I will. I'm really very comfortable."

I couldn't think of a rational, polite response. Of course if I had responded it would have been by ripping his throat out, and I didn't think that Bella would have liked to wake up to that…

_Would you answer some more questions if I asked? _He questioned rather thoughtfully for being an obnoxious, puberty raged teenager.

"Maybe I would," I mused.

"But would you be honest?" he responded.

"You can always ask and see." I said, amused.

"Well, you see inside my head—let me see inside yours tonight, it's only fair," he said defensively.

It was true. I could hear every last question racing through his mind at a speed that I could barely keep up with. "Your head is full of questions. Which one do you want me to answer?"

"The jealousy…it _has _to be eating at you. You can't be as sure of yourself as you seem. Unless you have no emotions at all."

I grimaced. "Of course it is," I said seriously. "Right now its so bad that I can barely control my voice. Of course, it's worse when she's away from me, with you, and I can't see her."

"Do you think about it all the time?" he whispered. "Does it make it hard to concentrate when she's not with you?" _It does for me._

"Yes and no," I said, searching for the right words. "My mind doesn't work quite like yours. I can think of many more things at one time. Of course, that means that I'm _always_ able to think of you, always able to wonder if that's where her mind is, when she's quiet and thoughtful."

We sat quietly for a moment.

_Does she think about me a lot? _He finally asked.

"Yes, I would guess that she thinks about you often," I murmured ungratefully. "More often than I like. She worries that you're unhappy. Not that you don't know that. Not that you don't _use _that." I said, annoyed.

"I have to use whatever I can," he defended. "I'm not working with your advantages—advantages like her knowing she's in love with you."

I smiled slightly. "That helps," I muttered.

"She's in love with me, too, you know." He stated.

I didn't have a response to that. A polite response, anyhow.

The dog sighed. "But she _doesn't _know it."

"I can't tell you if you're right." I pursed my lips, aggravated with that fact.

"Does that bother you? Do you wish you could see what she's thinking, too?"

"Yes…and no, again. She likes it better this way, and, though it sometimes drives me insane, I'd rather she was happy."

As the wind rattled the tent again, his arms flexed around Bella. I closed my eyes.

"Thank you," I whispered, as much as I was reluctant to say it, I knew it would be the right thing to do. "Odd as this might sound, I suppose I'm glad you're here, Jacob." I winced at having to use his name to remain polite.

"You mean, 'as much as I'd love to kill you, I'm glad she's warm,' right?" he said sarcastically.

"It's an uncomfortable truce, isn't it?"

"I knew you were just as crazy jealous as I am." He said smugly.

"I'm not such a fool as to wear it on my sleeve like you do. It doesn't help your case, you know."

"You have more patience than I do." He said defiantly.

"I should. I've had a hundred years to gain it. A hundred years of waiting for _her_." And I don't want to lose her to a dog.

"So…at what point did you decide to play the very patient good guy?"

"When I saw how much it was hurting her to make her choose. It's not usually this difficult to control. I can smother the…less civilized feelings I may have for you fairly easily most of the time. Sometimes I think she sees through me, but I can't be sure."

"I think you were just worried that if you really forced her to choose, she might not choose you." He said challengingly.

I narrowed my eyes. He was fairly right. It took me a moment to compose my answer. "That was part of it," I admitted shamefully. "But only a small part. We all have our moments of doubt. Mostly I was worried that she'd hurt herself trying to sneak away to see you. After I'd accepted that she was more or less safe with you—as safe as Bella ever is—it seemed best to stop driving her to extremes."

He sighed. "I'd tell her all of this, but she'd never believe me." He grumbled.

I smirked. "I know."

"You think you know everything," he muttered angrily.

"I don't know the future," I said, unsure. So many things can go wrong in such a little time. I could lose Bella without knowing it. She could choose him over me. I could never ask Alice about it, she can't see the wolves. I sighed quietly.

"What would you do if she changed her mind?" he asked after a moment.

"I don't know that either." I said quietly, trying to hide the hurt in my voice.

He chuckled suddenly and I narrowed my eyes at him. "Would you try to kill me?" he said sarcastically.

"No."

"Why not?" he taunted.

"Do you really think I would hurt her that way?" I asked pointedly.

He paused for a moment before sighing. "Yeah, you're right. But sometimes…"

"Sometimes it's an intriguing idea."

He pressed his face into the sleeping bag and laughed. "Exactly," he agreed.

It was quiet for another moment. "What is it like? Losing her?" he asked, his voice strained, struggling. It felt as if the breath had been knocked out of me. The thought of it alone made my dead heart drop. I wondered briefly if he knew how badly his words had affected me. "When you thought that you'd lost her forever? How did you…cope?"

"That's very difficult for me to talk about."

He waited patiently.

"There were two different times that I thought that." I said slowly. I took a deep, unneeded but calming breath. "The first time, when I thought I could leave her…that was…almost bearable. Because I thought she would forget me and it would be like I hadn't touched her life. For over six months I was able to stay away, to keep my promise that I wouldn't interfere again. It was getting close—I was fighting but I knew I wasn't going to win; I would have come back…just to check on her. That's what I would have told myself, anyway. And if I'd found her reasonably happy…I like to think that I could have gone away again.

"But she wasn't happy. And I would have stayed. That's how she convinced me to stay with her tomorrow, of course. You were wondering about that before, what could possibly motivate me…what she was feeling so needlessly guilty about. She reminded me of what it did to her when I left—what it still does to her when I leave. She feels horrible about bringing that up, but she's right. I'll never be able to make up for that, but I'll never stop trying anyway."

He didn't respond. _She shouldn't feel guilty. You're the one that left. _I winced. _You deserve it, anyway. _"And the other time—when you thought she was dead?" he whispered roughly, angrily. _Of course, she'll be dead once you change her anyways. She won't even be herself. Hard, cold, dead, blood crazy. _

"Yes." I answered reluctantly. "It will probably feel like that to you, won't it? The way you perceive us, you might not be able to see her as _Bella_ anymore. But that's who she'll be."

"That's not what I asked."

I glared. "I can't tell you how it felt." I said coldly. "There aren't words."

"But you left because you didn't want to make her a bloodsucker. You _want _her to be human."

"Jacob, from the second that I realized that I loved her, I knew there were only four possibilities. The first alternative, the best one for Bella, would be if she didn't feel as strongly for me—if she got over me and moved on. I would accept that, though it would never change the way I felt. You think of me as a…living stone—hard and cold. That's true. We are set the way we are, and it is very rare for us to experience a real change. When that happens, as when Bella entered my life, it is a permanent change. There's no going back….

"The second alternative, the one I'd originally chosen, was to stay with her throughout her human life. It wasn't a good option for her, to waste her life with someone who couldn't be human with her but it was the alternative I could most easily face. Knowing all along that, when she died, I would find a way to die, too. Sixty years, seventy years—it would seem like a very, very short time to me….But then it proved much too dangerous for her to live in such close proximity with my world. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Or hung over us…waiting to go wrong. I was terrified that I wouldn't get those sixty years if I stayed near while she was human.

"So I chose option three. Which turned out to be the worst mistake of my very long life, as you know. I chose to take myself out of her world, hoping to force her into the first alternative. It didn't work, and it very nearly killed us both.

"What do I have left but the fourth option? It's what she wants—at least, she thinks she does. I've been trying to delay her, to give her time to find a reason to change her mind, but she's very…stubborn. You know _that_. I'll be lucky to stretch this out a few more months. She has a horror of getting older, and her birthday is in September…" _Ah, so that's why she stomped when I said I wouldn't age…_

"I like option one," he muttered.

I didn't say anything.

"You know _exactly _how much I hate to accept this," he whispered slowly, "but I can see that you do love her…in your way. I can't argue with that anymore.

"Given that, I don't think you should give up on the first alternative, not yet. I think there's a very good chance that she would be okay. After time. You know, if she hadn't jumped off the cliff in March…and if you'd waited another six months to check on her….Well, you might have found her reasonably happy. I had a game plan." _First, I comfort her, then I seduce her, then she gets all warmed up to me and BAM! She's mine._

I chuckled. "Maybe it would have worked. It was a well thought-out plan."

"Yeah." He agreed. "But…," he paused for a moment before racing through his words, stumbling over a few, "give me a year, bl—Edward. I really think I could make her happy. She's stubborn, no one knows that better than I do, but she's capable of healing. She would have healed before. And she could be human, with Charlie and Renee, and she could grow up, and have kids and… be Bella.

"You love her enough that you have to see the advantages of that plan. She thinks you're very unselfish…are you really? Can you consider the idea that I might be better for her than you are?"

"I _have _considered it," I said quietly. "In some ways, you would be better suited for her than another human. Bella takes some looking after, and you're strong enough that you could protect her from herself, and from everything that conspires against her. You _have _done that already, and I'll owe you for that for as long as I live—forever—whichever comes first….

"I even asked Alice if she could see that—she if Bella would be better off with you. She couldn't, of course. She can't see you, and then Bella's sure of her course, for now.

"But I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake I made before, Jacob. I won't try to force her into that first option again. As long as she wants me, I'm here."

"And if she were to decide that she wanted me?" he taunted, challenging. "Okay, it's a long shot, I'll give you that."

I closed my eyes slowly. "I would let her go."

"Just like that?"

"In the sense that I'd never show her how hard it was for me, yes. But I would keep watch. You see, Jacob, _you _might leave _her_ someday. Like Sam and Emily, you wouldn't have a choice. I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping for that to happen."

He snorted. "Well, you've been much more honest than I had any right to expect…Edward. Thanks for letting me in your head."

"As I said, I'm feeling oddly grateful for your presence in her life tonight. It was the least I could do….You know, Jacob, if it weren't for the fact that we're natural enemies and that you're also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you." I said reluctantly, somewhat amused again.

"Maybe…if you weren't a disgusting vampire who was planning to suck out the life of the girl I love….well, no, not even then."

I chuckled.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"What would you have to ask?"

"I can only hear if you think of it. It's just a story that Bella seemed reluctant to tell me about the other day. Something about a third wife…?"

"What about it?"

_The third wife is the woman who killed herself to save the others. She was the key, I guess… _I hissed madly. How could he not see the relation? I listened to the old Quileute story of the third wife in his head silently.

"Of course," I hissed angrily. "Of course! I rather wish your elders had kept _that _story to themselves, Jacob."

"You don't like the leeches being painted as the bad guys?" he taunted. A growl built up in my chest automatically. "You know, they _are_. Then _and _now."

"I really couldn't care less about that part. Can't you guess which character Bella would identify with?" I hissed angrily.

_Third wife…Bella? …huh, oh, wait. _"Oh. Ugh. The third wife. Okay, I see your point."

"She wants to be there in the clearing. To do what little she can, as she puts it." I sighed ungratefully. "That was the secondary reason for my staying with her tomorrow. She's quite inventive when she wants something."

"You know, your military brother gave her the idea just as much as the story did." He said, picturing Jasper in his head.

"Neither side meant any harm," I whispered calmly.

"And when does _this_ little truce end?" he asked, referring to the fact that we've actually somewhat gotten along. "First light? Or do we wait until after the fight?"

It was quiet for a moment.

"First light," we both whispered. We both laughed in whispers.

"Sleep well, Jacob," I murmured quietly to him, wishing I could be by Bella's side. "Enjoy the moment."

As soon as it got quiet, his fantasies acted up again. He actually took the liberty to fantasize about beating me in a fight. I narrowed my eyes at him and groaned, throwing my head back slightly.

"I didn't mean that quite so literally."

"Sorry," he whispered. "You could leave, you know—give us a little privacy."

I narrowed my eyes into slits at him angrily. "Would you like me to _help _you sleep, Jacob?" I said lightly.

"You could try," he said nonchalantly. "It would be interesting to see who walked away, wouldn't it?"

"Don't tempt me too far, wolf. My patience isn't _that _perfect."

He laughed quietly. "I'd rather not move just now, if you don't mind." He said teasingly.

Ugh. It was back to the fantasies about him and _my _fiancée. To distract myself I started humming as loud as I could without waking Bella to quiet the repulsive thoughts. It helped some, but not much. I clenched my hands in fists as I continued to hum.


End file.
